The secret of forgiveness
Matthew 6:12-14 & Psalm 103:10-13
You are forgiven
If you believe in Christ you are forgiven. This is how Psalm 103 puts it:
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
Psalm 103:10-13
This series on Matthew 6 is exploring the key skills involved in Christian spirituality. What is spirituality? Think of it this way: you have a body and you feed, clothe and look after it: you have a mind and you do the same for it. But you also have a soul or a spirit, so how do you look after it? Spirituality is nurturing the well being of your spirit.
How do you do this?
Traditionally, churches like ours have answered this question with the simple mantra, “Read your Bible and pray every day”, and those things are of huge value. It is impossible to exaggerate how important Bible reading and prayer are. Yet there is more to a healthy spiritual life than this. So far, we have seen that giving is spiritually nourishing. In the coming weeks we are going to think about fasting, faith, rest and contentment. All these things are central to a healthy spiritual life. Today we are thinking about forgiveness.
Being willing to forgive is central to our spiritual well being (Matthew 6:14-15)
We start by remembering that God forgives and accepts us.
In the movie Meet Joe Black Brad Pitt plays Joe whose friend, Quince has betrayed his wife’s father and is cracking up with guilt. Joe asks Quince, 'Why do you love her?' Quince answers, 'Decause she knows the worst thing about me and it's OK, she knows my secrets, my deepest darkest secrets, and it's OK'.
This is how a Christian relates to God, “He knows the worst thing about you and it’s OK. He knows your secrets, your deepest, darkest secrets and it’s OK”. You are forgiven.
When forgiveness seems impossible
In August 2005 Roberto Malasi, a teenager from Angola dragged Ruth Okechukwu, a pastor's daughter aged 18, from her car and stabbed her through the heart because he believed she had shown him disrespect. He was 16 at the time.
Last week Malasi was convicted and sentenced.
Outside the court, Ruth's father, Ben, a pastor of a Pentecostal church in south London, said: "For me personally, as a man of God, I feel sorry for him and I forgive him because he has no sense of belonging. He has been left behind by his parents and of course, from the Christian point of view, he doesn't know what his crimes are.
His wife said: "He has not only taken Ruth's life, he has taken my life as well. When he's finished his sentence he will go back to his own country and he will still be alive and my daughter will not be here. I love my daughter so much and she will never be forgotten." She said that she could not bring herself to forgive her daughter’s killer.
Forgiveness can be the greatest challenge to a Christian. Could you forgive the killer of your own daughter? Perhaps you could say the words, “I forgive him”. But surely you would struggle for years with the feelings of anger and grief?
Forgiveness can be the greatest challenge for a Christian, even when the wrong we feel is not as extreme as murder.
Shortly after I started working in a church in Leicester a middle aged lady in the congregation asked my advice. She wasn’t sure about leading a Bible study group but I felt that she could handle it. So I tried to encourage her and at some point said the phrase “Go for it!” That phrase deeply offended this lady, though she didn’t say so at the time. In fact it was five years later when she tapped me on the shoulder and asked if we could have a word. She explained that it had taken her all that time to forgive my using what she regarded as a casual throw-away phrase in conversation with her. “I felt that you should have shown more respect to an older Christian lady”, she said.
Most of us have a struggle to forgive at sometime in our lives. It could be something massive, like the death of a child, or something trivial, more to do with our being over-sensitive.
What is the secret of forgiveness?
You must begin by realising that you are forgiven. “He knows the worst thing about you and it’s OK. He knows your secrets, your deepest, darkest secrets and it’s OK”
But what if you still cannot forgive?
The journey
It is possible to completely misuse Jesus words in Matthew, “God will not forgive you”, we could say, “Unless you forgive others”. If we apply this sentence rigidly, like some Old Testament law the result is clear, Pastor Ben Okechukwu is going to heaven, but his wife isn’t.
Look carefully at verse 12, Jesus is speaking of people who refuse even to consider forgiving someone else. This person is far too attached to the feelings of hatred and bitterness to want to let go of them.
Of course, such feelings are understandable, people can be so cruel, yet these feelings are toxic… they will eventually kill you. When forgiveness is a struggle, we need to embark on a journey; a process that takes us step-by-step into a completely new mind set.
First, start with a decision – “I am going to deal with my feelings and change my heart”. Tell this to the Lord, “I want to forgive, but I can’t, help me”
Second, keep praying for a change in heart – tell God exactly how you feel. Scream at him if it makes you feel better. There is a stunning example of this in Psalm 109 where David is doing just this. This is a problem Psalm, David is saying the kind of things he shouldn’t say!
Psalm 109:6-19
Yet David did not go out and arrange for this man’s death (though he was perfectly capable of it) he left his hateful feelings in the presence of God. “He knows the worst thing about you and it’s OK. He knows your secrets, your deepest, darkest secrets and it’s OK”
Third, remember that God is patient with us; he is astoundingly gracious. Psalm 103 puts it beautifully:
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
Psalm 103:13-17
Finally, be patient with yourself. Don’t expect your feelings to change overnight – this is a journey that may take a long time. Embarking on the journey, making a start, is the most important thing.