A world of Forgiveness
Matthew 18:21-35
If you want to go through life without being hurt then you ought to live on a desert island like Robinson Crusoe! What kind of things do we need to forgive?
- Day-to-day irritations: like when my colleague erases my data.
- Being offended: like when someone we know walks straight past us in the street without acknowledging them.
- People who hurt us: like being left off the guest list of a wedding when all my friends have been invited.
- When we have been humiliated: like arriving at the supermarket checkout to discover that someone has ‘borrowed’ our wallet.
- Or ending up gutted: like discovering that our partner has been having an affair.
Peter felt that he was allowing his ‘enemies’ a generous quota of seven opportunities before forgiveness was no longer possible. But when he checked this out with Jesus it became clear that the Lord had other views (22). Whatever the hurt, forgiveness is important for two reasons: first, it gives glory to God and, second, it brings healing to us.
Healing to us
Our failure to deal with being hurt or offended allows resentment and anger to hang around in our hearts. At worst this can breed bitterness, at least we will find our relationships polluted (look at the servant in the story: he is a nasty character, isn’t he?). These emotions are toxic and allowing them to linger will damage us. So here’s an incentive to forgive: it is one of the greatest forces for healing in human experience, it will bring new peace and contentment to your soul – it always does you good!
But let’s not minimise this. Some of us feel incredible pain and those who have caused it are not doing anything to earn our love. How do we forgive when it is really difficult? [1]
First, it is worth reflecting on the cross: what the soldiers did to Jesus was unspeakable, yet even as they did it he was asking God to forgive them. Sometimes we find ourselves in some way sharing the sufferings of Christ: the challenge is to share his generosity of grace too!
Second, try to remember that forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling. We will wait forever if we want to be driven by a felling of forgiveness – the question is not, “Do I feel like forgiving?” but, “Will I forgive?” While I am making this decision a number of forces will try to pull me back:
- Self-pity
- A demand for justice
- Our desire to retaliate and get revenge
- A feeling that forgiveness should follow some kind of reparation or apology
The self-destruct department of your psyche will try to make you inactive. We will tell ourselves that time will heal the wounds, that we don’t need to do anything, or that it didn’t really matter anyway. Instead we to do the things that will take forgiveness forward:
- Acknowledge that we feel we have been wronged
- Recognise that though inside I am a tornado of emotions
- Make a decision: choose not to hold on to the grudge
- Allow God access to my thoughts and feelings through honest prayer
Forgiveness is a choice an and not a feeling.
Third thing: forgiveness is often a process, and only rarely the work of an instant spiritual experience. The choice to forgive may need to be a daily one until my feelings follow my will. Believe me, you feelings will follow: even if it takes years. The desire to forgive brings healing and cleansing.
Finally, it is worth reflecting on why some people behave the way they do. That person who didn’t see you in the street – was the sun in their eyes, or were they preoccupied? Or the rough time you had at work: maybe those people had no choice, they thought it was necessary? Genuine malice is very rare.
Glory to God
Forgiveness brings healing to us and glory to God. Jesus kept saying, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like…” Here, Jesus used Peter’s question as an occasion to tell another story about how the kingdom works (23-35). It is a dramatic story and a very silly one too – the amounts owed are colossal, just to emphasise the size of our debt!
Jesus is asking us to imagine a king who would give anything, even his own life, for the wellbeing of his people. In total contrast to the governments of the world, here is a king who is prepared to forgive massive debts (27)!
This raises a question: do we comprehend the size of our debt to God. We owe him our existence, our living, and we have thrown al this in his face by living as though he didn’t matter, as if he didn’t exist. In consequence, because the wages of sin is death, we owe him a life… our life.
God is able to forgive only because Jesus paid the death we owe. When we accept this gift and trust him our debt is paid and we are free. Imagine the feelings of the servant in the story (27) on being released! Now think on this, God will not forgive you once… or seven times… or seventy times seven. He just keeps on forgiving!
This story is a beautiful picture of what we call grace : God’s incredible generosity to us. I came across this description of God’s grace recently:
Grace is the announcement that the future may not be dictated by the past; that the prisons in which we find ourselves are not unbreakable; that change is possible. Grace tells us that the demons we have grown used to will not always sit on our shoulders... grace brings the power to forgive and be forgiven. It allows us to face the truth about ourselves with courage and deal with life as it is... Grace is the get-out-of-jail-free card valid for every board game. ... there is no hole so deep that grace can't get to the bottom of it and no hell so hot that grace can't cool it. In grace, God breaks his own rules, running the muddy boots of abandoned love all over the cosseted carpets of guilt and condemnation. Grace turns judgement upside down. [2]
That is what grace does for you!
Finally, the story tells us something very simple: if God has shown his grace to you and me, we ought to express our gratitude in graciousness towards others who do not deserve it. Gods grace is reckless and it should flow over into reckless forgiveness of those who offend or hurt us.
In the January 2002 Daniel Pearl, and American reporter for the Wall Street Journal, was kidnapped and beheaded by terrorists in Pakistan. Later that year his father, an eminent professor in New York, set up a foundation for the reconciliation of Muslims and Jews. Interviewed on British radio about this Judea Pearl was asked, "Could you forgive the men who did this to your son?" The Professor was sure that he could not, but the interviewer persisted; "If they came and asked you to forgive them could you bring yourself to do it?" Professor Pearl was not sure that he could, but if they proved their remorse over a long period of time, perhaps he could. The interviewer then told Professor Pearl about Gordon Wilson, the victim of the Eniskillen bomb [whose daughter, Marie had died in the blast]. Mr Wilson had immediately and unconditionally forgiven his daughters killers, could Professor Pearl do this? "That", said the Professor "Would be extremely reckless".
Put yourself in that picture: make the decision to forgive and you demonstrate that the gospel is true and you bring glory to God.
Imagine a community that lived out the grace of forgiveness each and every day. Christian churches should be experts at this because these are the fundamental values of the Kingdom:
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one-another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
[1] These points on forgiveness are inspired by chapters 11 and 12 of The Marriage Book by Nicky and Silla Lee, HTB publications, ISBN 1-902750-26-8
[2] Gerrard Kelly - Christianity and Renewal January 2004 p39-40